Today I was awarded my assistant instructor level  (aka my green shirt). I have a ton of emotions running through me pride, humility, love,  and every other positive feeling I can think of. At a time like this I can’t help to think of where I came from, where I’ve been, and where I am going. Canadian hard rock Nickelback once wrote “If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late could you say goodbye to yesterday?” I came to CNY MMA almost four years ago closer to that last day then I care to admit. It was with the help of my wife, coaches, and fellow students that I was able to turn a corner in my life that for the longest time I thought was the only path I would ever travel.         

When I came to CNY MMA I was a quiet, unsure, unhappy three hundred pound mess of a person. My teenage years were what seemed like one never ending bulling session punctuated by a period of deep depression. Because of my weight, quiet demeanor, and complete lack of confidence I was an easy target for schoolmates, former friends, and even some family members. As this abuse continued I began to develop an inner voice that truly believed all the terrible things I was being told. I began to resign myself to a solitary life of unhappiness. 

As I entered my early twenties that negative voice was slightly muted when I met the woman who would later not only be my wife, but one of my best friends.  But even through these happy times I still believed that I was a bad person undeserving of happiness I had found in my relationship. I truly believed that I was worthless, a failure, and a waste of life. I know that sounds harsh but those were the kind of thoughts that ran through my head at the time. With that kind of thinking I was leading myself down a road that would have concluded in a very unhappy ending to my story.

But then I moved to Cortland and found CNY MMA. I won’t lie and say that it was an instantaneous turnaround I still remember struggling to even finish the warm up and thinking “I can’t do this, and I look like a fool for trying.”  But almost like clockwork every time I started to fall back into those negative though patterns a coach, or fellow student would say something encouraging to me. For the one of the first times in my life I heard things like “you are doing great”, “You’ve really been improving”,  and “way to give a hundred percent”. These positive uplifting statements may have been alien to me but they made me not only feel better, but replace those negative thoughts with “I can do this, and tomorrow I’ll be better.”

Now it is four years , numerous competitions, sixty pounds later,  and  I find myself working for a the same place that in a lot of ways saved my life. You may ask “ok nice story what’s the point?”  My point is to all our current students and the many future ones to come never ever doubt yourself with the help of the CNY MMA family, hard work, and dedication all things are possible. No matter what terrible things have happened to you in the past immerse yourself in the positive, friendly, and encouraging environment that is CNY MMA. Yes you will have days where it’s tough, or maybe a week or two that you’ll miss training. Forgive yourself and moved forward and get back on the mats working towards your goals. The transformation that you will see in yourself will change your life.  Thank you to every CNY MMA student, coach, and my lovely wife who helped and continue to help me forge this path in life.