Along with technique, discipline, strength and endurance we all need to learn the art of partnering.  There is more to partnering than simply standing beside another person, catching his punches and counting his reps.  Being a good partner means teaching and learning, motivating and encouraging, pushing and challenging.  It is a bonding experience, a letting go and letting in, a team-building intimacy.  For that one hour, nothing matters except your partnership.

Some nights, for some classes, you may feel you need a particular partner.  Go for it, especially if that person is also looking for you.  But when you find yourself with the same partner time and again, it’s time to break free.  With the same partner you will become complacent.  You’ll allow shortcuts.  You’ll get sloppy.  You’ll give him a break, or expect one for yourself.  Comfortable is fine for a sofa cushion, but has no place in the cage.  Challenge yourself.  Put yourself with someone different.  Someone who scares you.  Someone who is here for the first time.  Someone old.  Someone young.  Someone you would never dream of speaking with on the street.  Someone you are attracted to.  Someone you never even noticed before.  Each of those people has something to teach you.

Don’t worry about who you came with.  It’s likely that the two of you have practiced together enough times that neither of you even notices what the other is doing.  You came together, you’ll leave together.  There’s no need to feel threatened or jealous.  By splitting up during class you will find that you have more to share with each other because of your separate experiences.  CNY MMA is not a singles club.  We are not cheating on our spouses or exposing our children to loose morals when we trade partners.  We are expanding our horizons.  We are looking past stereotypes, leaving our external baggage at the door.  We are understanding that every person has value and insight, and can offer us something, if only we will pay attention.

Once you find your partner, introduce yourself.  Grab your gear.  Find a spot.  Relax.   As you work, you will discover why you are with this partner for this class on this night.  Maybe you are the teacher tonight, or maybe you are the student.  Maybe this partner will provide the words that will finally help you past a major barrier.  This partner might need to draw from your wisdom and experience, or might remember, through you, his own humble beginnings.  Tonight might be a rough night for you, and this is the partner who will provide your support.  Or, Life may have decided that you need to learn some humility and this is the partner who will knock you on your butt.  Life has put you here, tonight, with this partner, for a reason.  Accept that.  Acknowledge it.  Embrace it.  Realize that you may never know exactly what you are giving to your partner.  It may be a new technique, a different way of holding the pads, or the ability to laugh at yourself.  It may be something basic like keeping your balance or remembering to breathe.  It may be simply a different way of explaining the same thing, only this time, stated in this way on this night by this partner, it suddenly clicks.  Or it may be that you are the only person who can get this particular partner through this particular workout on this particular night.

As you work through partners you’ll find favorites.  This partner is great at keeping you going when your mind wants to quit.  This one can tell you exactly why your jab has no power.  This one is just plain fun.  It’s OK to be selfish occasionally, grabbing the partner who can get you over tonight’s hurdle.  But remember to share.  If you have conquered tonight’s challenge, give that partner to a person who is still struggling.  Look for someone new, someone who will challenge you, or someone who needs a push.  It won’t take long to lose that feeling of attending a class and realize instead that you are training with a team.  Soon you’ll need only to glance at a former partner to remember to protect your chin, to turn your hips, or that you’ve survived tougher workouts than tonight.  Our coaches may be the ones instructing us, but we really learn from our partners.

With the New Year come new goals.  Use this as an excuse to expand your horizons.  Set yourself a goal to partner with a new person every class this week or this month.  Put yourself out there.  Meet your teammates.  Find out who they are, why they are here, what they can offer you, and what you can do for them.  Then don’t simply hold their kick pads.  Be their partner.

KLKY

January 3, 2012